Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
God gave him joint rollers for hands
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
