I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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