forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
