lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
