So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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