I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
