so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
