the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
