aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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