Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
