Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
