tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She bit a glass in half.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
