What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
