I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
