Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
why do cheetos always look like penises
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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