shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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