If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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