Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
They have beer where we have blood.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
