Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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