Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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