how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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