mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
