I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
the liver wants what the liver wants
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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