Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
