He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
