I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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