is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize