Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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