I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I think I just sharted jello shots
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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