woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
