there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
