Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
