so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He shit in the fireplace
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
