take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
