If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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