I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
