In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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