Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
