Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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