In the future we'll all be gay
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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