then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
