i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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