Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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