I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
