I CAN MOONWALK!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
