i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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