i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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