she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
