Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
