im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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