Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
