Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
