I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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