so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
