Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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