that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
