I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
