Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
