Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
