its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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