Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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