someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
