Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
