So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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