the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
