i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
