Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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