We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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