I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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