I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
