I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I am available for nakedness
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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